Self Image Is A Pretty Big Deal

     Self Image- self image is a pretty damn big deal.

   I have always been worried about what other people think of me. I worry if my hair is perfect. If my makeup has smeared. If my clothes look good. I have always been so worried about my appearance and how people think of me, that it's killing me inside. I'm so sick of worrying about those things. It's stupid and just a waste of my time. So, for the past few months I've really been trying hard to change. To not care so much about what others think of me. And I am changing. I'm starting to just not even get a fuck anymore. The only opinion that really matters, is my own.

   What matters is that I like my clothes. I like my hairstyle. I like the smudges of eyeliner beneath my eyes because it gives me that look that tells people I'm not trying to be perfect and I'm not going to paint my face to perfection.

   All that matters is what you think of yourself. Don't even let those things get to you. They don't fucking matter. All that matters is that you feel good about yourself. So your thighs are a little chubby? So what? You can work on those if you really want to. You have freckles? They add character. You have a crooked smile? It's just another little imperfection that makes you you. You have a big nose? Well, you can always get a nose job when you have the money. :p

   No, seriously, it doesn't matter if you're not perfect like the Victoria's Secret models. They're really not as perfect as they seem. You don't know them. You don't know how bare they look without makeup or see their freckles or the fat on their hips. They're completely airbrushed by the time you get to see their faces and bodies in the magazines. You wouldn't really want to look like that anyway. Too perfect. Imperfections just add character.

   I have chubby thighs, a crooked smile and freckles. Yeah, I want to work on slimming down my thighs a little bit, but I doubt I ever really will because it's honestly not that big of a deal. I'm a little self-conscious about my crooked smile sometimes but I'm working on not worrying about it. And my freckles? Well, I actually kind of like them. My little sister has freckles too and she didn't like them for a while until she realized that I like mine and that freckles just really aren't that bad. How many people have freckles? I don't see many people with freckles, so you must be extra special if you get them, right?

Love and Trust

   LOVE -

  I think, if love really exists, I was in love with my friend, Steve. I thought of him all the time and I didn't just want to be with him all the time, I wanted to share new things with him. I wanted to experience life with him. But my feelings have slowly changed over the past several months, and I think of him a lot less often. I no longer think about trying new things with him by my side. I honestly thought I was in love with him. But who is to say that love really exists?

   What if love is just a made up concept? What if love doesn't exist? The one thing that keeps me sane is believing that love is not real. Because if love exists, then it can happen to me and if it can happen to me, then I have the ability to become one of those awful bridezillas that I hate. I don't want to ever believe in love again. If I choose to believe in love, then I can be hurt and have my heart broken again. And so, I don't let myself be foolish enough to believe in love anymore.

   Trust -

   Trust is too easily given and not often earned. Don't be trusting because people will just use you and tear you apart and you will die inside. Trust needs to be earned again and again and again for all of eternity. Don't trust somebody just because they proved in one situation that you can trust them. Make them earn your trust for the rest of their  life.

   I have learned, in my short eighteen years of life, that you shouldn't trust anyone. Trust is one of the most special things in life. It's more special than your virginity. It's more special than love (especially since love doesn't exist). Don't trust anyone because nobody will ever be completely trustworthy. Everybody will break your trust eventually.

   And those are my feelings on love and trust.