He Was Special

   There was just something about him. Something about the way he smiled. The way he laughed. The way that he always encouraged me to talk more like he actually wanted to hear what I had to say.

   I don't know . . . There was just something about him. Something different. Something special.

   I remember when we used to work together and he and one of the other guys would always say something about me, trying to get a rise out of me, but I was never really paying attention and I never heard what they said. Or when he would check me out and he always thought I didn't notice.

   I loved his reaction when he found out I didn't like people to cuss around me, because he had a dirty mouth. The look on his face was priceless. Every time he would cuss around me after that he always gave me permission to hit him. I never did. But he got a lot better at not cussing around me.

   And I remember when, once upon a time, he and his cousin were afraid to smoke pot around me. I think I liked it better when he didn't do it around me. I mean, yeah, I've thought about doing it and I maybe might even want to try it to, but . . . I don't know, I just kind of felt like he was disrespecting me when he did it around me. I never said anything though, so it's not like I ever asked him to not do it while I was around and he still did. So he wasn't really disrespecting me, but it just felt that way sometimes.

   He was special though. He still is. I don't think I'll ever forget him. I probably won't ever see him again now that he moved to Omaha but I won't ever forget him.

   He could make me smile when I was having a bad day and just wanted to give up. He made me want to be myself. He made me wonder what love was like. He made me want to do things that were exciting and new.

   If I could go back in time and not ever have worked at McDonalds and met him and gone through all of the shit that I've been put through, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't change a damn thing. Because for all of the shit that my sister and her husband made me go through for being with him, I still love him. And I wouldn't give up that love for anything. I think I would rather have loved and lost than not ever have known that love at all.